Reports have come in that Justin Markovitz, 32, father of three and avid kayaker, is a total pussy for not standing up for women’s rights. When asked about his views in an exclusive interview, M...
“We Need To Do Something About All These Strays,” Says McCain After Blowing Up Every Spay And Neuter Clinic in America
Senator John McCain gave an impassioned speech to congress today about the drastic need for a unified legislative body to curb the risks and dangers presented by the hordes of un-fixed cats and dogs r...
Make A Wish Foundation, NRA Team Up To Kill Actor Who Plays Voldemort For Dying Harry Potter Fan
In a stunning act of bravery, the Make-A-Wish Foundation and National Rifle Association have committed to honoring a dying Harry Potter fan’s final wish – to find and kill Voldemort, the m...
Quick! Can You Stop Voting For Assholes Before The Time Runs Out??
The newest trend on the internet is a game called Stop Voting For Assholes! Most of the time, it’s hard to not vote for assholes. They’re usually so much fun to have around! But if you c...
Trump Organizes Skeletons In Closet By Hand Length
Saying he needed a better way to keep track of his wardrobe, President Donald Trump has released an image of his closet, showing off an impressive collection of skeletons, each placed in order accordi...
REPORT: Your Ex-Girlfriend Had Amazing Sex Last Night
According to your ex-girlfriend’s best friend Megan, last night around 10:00 PM your ex-girlfriend rocked the pants off of a young man who is exactly as painfully hot as you’re imagining. ...
Momentous Incident Diminished By Co-Worker’s Poor Re-Telling Of Events
Telling his co-worker Jeff about “one of the craziest things that ever happened to me”, Bryan Bangerter was not prepared for the decidedly shitty way in which Jeff related the incident to ...
Overwhelming Majority of Women Prefer Giving Birth Through Their Vaginas
According to a new study released by Piew Research, nearly 100% of women surveyed admitted that they prefer utilizing their vaginas when it comes to giving birth to humans. “It may seem surprisi...